Feeling Intelligence.

       I attended a John F. Barnes, PT Myofascial Release Approach course this August and heard a term which I had never heard before that weekend. The term was “feeling intelligence.” Though I cannot speak for John F. Barnes, PT or whomever may have coined the term, I left the seminar questioning my personal understanding of “feeling intelligence.”

       I had heard of inner wisdom, intuition, listening to your heart, listening to your gut; yet never these specific words, “feeling intelligence.” I realized in that moment; everyone has thoughts, a physical body, and feelings. I think most of us recognize this as true. However, the term made me recognize something of which I was previously unaware. We have scales to measure a person’s (or animal’s) level of mental (thought) intelligence, i.e. I.Q. scales and cognitive assessments. We can assess a person’s ability to effectively use his/her physical body (strength, flexibility, agility, stamina, etc, etc). But, we as a culture (I am speaking from my personal experience living as a resident of the USA, specifically New England, thus far in my life) lack the acute understanding that feelings can also be used effectively and ineffectively. They can support us or hold us back from living our fullest life; dependent upon whether or not we are able to acknowledge them and align them with our thoughts.

      I was suddenly mindful that my head and heart have been at odds for so many years of my life, and when I deny one or the other, I suffer. All of me suffers; my body, my thinking, and my feelings about both myself, the world, and everyone/thing around me. I began to formulate a plan. When I can align my thoughts and feelings (and body), I will have the capacity to experience the opposite of suffering. Joy, love, creativity, courage, and even pain without suffering. The list goes on and on. The possibilities appear endless. I wish I could say all these thoughts stem from me, however this recent knowledge has made me aware of so many of the teachers and lessons I have received through my experiences in life. I had been given the pieces, but hadn’t yet assembled the puzzle.

       I’ve been fortunate throughout my life to recognize my ability to use my thoughts well (and sometimes not so well). I tease I have an analytical mind and that’s why I fell into the study of biology and chemistry in college. I say “fell,” because at the time I genuinely didn’t have much interest in pursuing a career in these subjects, but I knew I was good at them.

     I like understanding how things work in the natural world. Math has been one of my favorite subjects because it provides clear rules. And when one understands the simple steps, one can solve complex problems. And I really like being quick to solve problems.

     Others recognized my strength in the study of science long before I did. At the end of 8th grade, my school gave out achievement awards, and I was upset that I received an award for science instead of math; my favorite subject at the time. I remember it so vividly that I could tell you the name of the girl who did get the award for math and this was 25 years ago. When I began high school, the guidance counselor placed me in honors biology and I continued honors science courses throughout.

       Though I excelled in science, math, and dance, I was struggling with personal health issues at this time in my life, and I almost did not graduate high school due to failing my English class. The class rotated teachers and I failed the 3rd quarter. My guidance counselor explained to me that I would need to get 102% for the last quarter in order to pass and graduate. Being good at math, I thought “this is not possible,” so I did not give my best effort for the remaining quarter. I will not expand further on this right now, but suffice it to say that I did end up graduating at the very last minute. I wound up marching with a boy one foot taller than me in order to receive a blank piece of paper because though we lined up by height, I had missed the marching practices and my diploma was not yet printed.

       I had spent my childhood and high school years dancing and doing (some) gymnastics. I attended Sivananda Yoga teacher training course in 2006 with my best friend. My body size and mobility has fluctuated like the up and down of a roller-coaster. I have been flexible, balanced, and strong as well as rigid, unsteady, and weak. I am sure you can infer which range of qualities I enjoyed most.

      So yesterday, as I began to put away the clean dishes from the rack, I was feeling perplexed and somewhat sad. I had someone respond to a message I had sent them in a completely different manner than I had anticipated. I found myself lost in thought trying to understand what the person might be going through in order to respond in such a harsh manner. I was feeling distant and separate from this friend, when only a couple days prior I was feeling close with them (and joking around about the very same topic). As I worked to put away the dishes AND solve this feeling problem using my thoughts, one of the dishes slipped off the rack and shattered.

       In that moment, as I began to clean up the pieces, I thought about how sometimes things break and we can fix them. Other times, things break beyond repair, and we can only clean up the pieces. Being thorough enough to prevent further injury. I realized I wasn’t sure if the plate broke because I touched it, or it was unsteady on the rack and fell on it’s own, or both unsteady and I touched it. But did it matter? It was broken. Despite how it occurred, I couldn’t fix it. And it hit me, I also couldn’t fix my friend’s response to my text by thinking my way through it.

       I cleaned up the broken glass, but I stopped doing dishes. I thought of a book I’d been reading called Becoming Supernatural: How Common People are Doing the Uncommon by Dr. Joe Dispenza (sometimes I use my thoughts well). Though I am grossly oversimplifying, he writes how our thoughts shape our reality; stating how we often repeat the same thought patterns and therefore live the same existence from day to day. Wake up, use the toilet, make the coffee, take a shower, go to the same job as yesterday etc etc; increasing the chance that our tomorrow will be the same as our yesterday. Using the same thoughts keeps us feeling rewarded for knowing what is coming next; creating predictability which brings us comfort. Even when it makes us miserable. He mentions how entering new surroundings and letting go of the preconceived ideas of what to expect, promotes chances for the unexpected to occur. Creating the opportunity for something new (Out with the old, in with the new. I just got that!).

       So, instead of doing the dishes, finishing the laundry, worrying about what my friend was thinking, or completing this article, I decided to do something I have never done before. Not knowing how it would come out. Knowing others would not perceive it as “good.” I had this feeling to do something new, and my thought told me, “do it!” So instead of limiting myself; I listened to myself, and I did it.

       I must warn you, I have had two individuals try to teach me guitar (one lesson each) and they both quit. :) This link is not for the faint of heart. This is not for those seeking perfection. If you are looking for perfection here, you will be disappointed (maybe even angry). This is an improvement. This is me revamping my thoughts and feelings in the moment. This is me letting go of my need to control what happens next. This is me forgetting about the dishes and the disagreements and allowing an opportunity for something different. Believe in the impossible and make it possible.

       Thank you for taking the time to read Revamped by Ray. In the upcoming weeks, I will be shifting my focus back to my roots and refurnishing a couple of pieces of furniture. Sometimes the journey brings us full circle. Other times, as they say in Star Trek the Next Generation, we must “boldly go where no one has gone before.” For me, it is doing something I never thought I would.

     Okay, enough stalling…. here it is. Thanks again for reading (and watching).